Sidi Chen - 陈 斯狄 | Queer Worlding & Body Archive

A Solo Pageant


What does one have to think through to alleviate the pain of life?


I gaze outside of my window, watching the machine of the society rushing through the night, where the sense of quietness has become hard to find. The city chases after people, making the standing walk, the walking run, the running fly, and the flying crash.


I stand among the people who come and go, having a moment of joy from being lost. So lost that I can't see where a destination could be waiting upon me. I am standing in this big, vast movement. I see it coming through the flashing traffic light. I see people rushing by faster than the train.

They will only take this train once and they don't know it;

they will only pass me by once and they don't know it.


They will love me someday and they don't know it.


The cruelty of time is at after you 've travelled it through, you only find what you run after has turned yellow. And those that don't are artificial, chemical, and dull - dull without elegance.


I think it's the moment when you reach the thing you want that makes you old. But if you let it slip through, it then kills you. The immortality is only achieved between consistent seeking and occasional satisfaction. That's why death becomes so attempting.


People seeing the desire of my body have no idea how the seeds of love have been sown into their hearts. When the term of spirit becomes a formality, I can only be spared by writing prose. 



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